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Humor in Vexillology

Fun with Vexillological Non-Terminology

Last modified: 2011-12-23 by rob raeside
Keywords: flag humor |
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Can vexillology be fun? Sometimes, when we go a little off-the-wall (or in some instances show our warped) sense of humor. What happens when we "let down our flags?" Below, vexillology as a take-off on Abbott and Costello by Peter Hans van den Muijzenberg, 19 September 2007:

Pennon: Well Bandera, I'm staying with you in this hotel while you're going to the flag congress. You know, the hotel manager gave me a job as caretaker of flags for as long as we're staying there. They fly flags for all the guests that are staying at the hotel.
Bandera: Look Pennon, if you're in charge of the flags, you must know what is flying from the poles right now.
Pennon: There are poles at every building, and I know all the flags.
Bandera: Well you know I'm not very good with all these town flags from all those states. So you'll have to tell me what flags are flying, and then I'll know the flags of the other guests if I run into them.
Pennon: Oh, I'll tell you what flags are hoisted, but some of the guest come from places with very peculiar names.
Bandera: You mean funny names?
Pennon: Strange names, confusing names...like Cool, California...
Bandera: What about Bliss.
Pennon: Bliss, Idaho ...
Bandera: They do that in France too.
Pennon: In France?
Bandera: N.i.c.e..
Pennon: Nice, France. ... Well, let's see, the flags in front of the Hotel: the flag of Which is middle, What is right, I Don't Know is left ...
Bandera: That's what I want to find out. Pennon: I say "Which is middle, What is right, I Don't Know is left".
Bandera: Are you in charge of hoisting the flags?
Pennon: Yes.
Bandera: You're going to find the flags to match the guests too?
Pennon: Yes.
Bandera: And you don't know which flag goes where?
Pennon: Well, I should.
Bandera: Well then, which is middle?
Pennon: Yes.
Bandera: I mean the flag.
Pennon: Which.
Bandera: The flag in the middle.
Pennon: Which.
Bandera: The middle pole flag.
Pennon: Which.
Bandera: The flag hoisted...
Pennon: Which is middle!
Bandera: I'm asking YOU which is middle.
Pennon: That is the flag.
Bandera: Which?
Pennon: Yes.
Bandera: Well go ahead and tell me.
Pennon: That's it.
Bandera: Which?
Pennon: Yes.

PAUSE

Bandera: Look, you're gonna hoist a flag in the middle?
Pennon: Certainly.
Bandera: Which is hoisted there?
Pennon: That's right.
Bandera: When you'd need to replace the flag from your stock, which is the flag you replace?
Pennon: I'd do that immediately.
Bandera: All I'm trying to find out is what flag is on the middle pole.
Pennon: Which.
Bandera: The flag that you...
Pennon: That's it.
Bandera: Which is taken out of the stock...
Pennon: It is, whenever one is needed. Except, if we ran out; then I'd order a few more.
Bandera: Of which?
Pennon: Yes.

PAUSE

Pennon: What's wrong with that?
Bandera: Look, all I wanna know is what does it say on the heading of the flag?
Pennon: "Which".
Bandera: The flag.
Pennon: "Which."
Bandera: What does it say...
Pennon: That's on the heading of that flag.
Bandera: Which?
Pennon: Yes.

PAUSE

Bandera: All I'm trying to find out is what is on the middle pole.
Pennon: No. What is on the right.
Bandera: I'm not asking you which is right.
Pennon: Which is middle.
Bandera: One pole at a time!
Pennon: Well, don't change the flags around.
Bandera: I'm not changing anything!
Pennon: Take it easy, buddy.
Bandera: I'm only asking you, which is the flag in the middle?
Pennon: That's right.
Bandera: Ok.
Pennon: Alright.

PAUSE

Bandera: What is on the middle pole?
Pennon: No. What is on the right.
Bandera: I'm not asking you which is on the right.
Pennon: Which is in the middle.
Bandera: I don't know.
Pennon: That's on the left, we're not talking about that one.
Bandera: Now how did I get on the left?
Pennon: Why, you mentioned the flag.
Bandera: If I mentioned the flag on the left pole, which did I say flies there?
Pennon: No. Which flies in the middle.
Bandera: What's in the middle?
Pennon: What's right.
Bandera: I don't know.
Pennon: That's on the left pole.
Bandera: There I go, back on the left again!

PAUSE

Bandera: Would you just stay at the left pole and don't walk away.
Pennon: All right, what do you want to know?
Bandera: Now, which is the flag flying from the left pole?
Pennon: Why do you insist on putting Which on the left pole?
Bandera: What am I putting on left?
Pennon: No. What is on the right.
Bandera: You don't want which on the right?
Pennon: Which is in the middle.
Bandera: I don't know.
Pennon &; Bandera Together: Left pole!

PAUSE

Bandera: Look, there are flags all over the place, right?
Pennon: Sure.
Bandera: The flag at the gate?
Pennon: Why.
Bandera: I just thought I'd ask you.
Pennon: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Bandera: Then tell me which is the flag at the gate.
Pennon: Which is in the middle.
Bandera: I'm not... stay away from the building! I want to know what is at the gate?
Pennon: No, What is on the right.
Bandera: I'm not asking you which is right.
Pennon: Which is in the middle!
Bandera: I don't know.
Pennon & Bandera Together: Left pole!

PAUSE

Bandera: The flag at the gate?
Pennon: Why.
Bandera: Because!
Pennon: Oh, that's flown from the garage.

PAUSE

Bandera: Look, the hotel has a boat house, too. Does that have a pole?
Pennon: Sure.
Bandera: The flag on it?
Pennon: Tomorrow.
Bandera: You don't want to tell me today?
Pennon: I'm telling you now.
Bandera: Then go ahead.
Pennon: Tomorrow!
Bandera: What time?
Pennon: What time what?
Bandera: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me which is on the boathouse?
Pennon: Now listen. Which is not on the boat house.
Bandera: I'll break your arm, if you say "Which is middle!" I want to know what is on the boat house?
Pennon: What is on the right.
Bandera: I don't know.
Pennon & Bandera Together: Left pole!

PAUSE

Bandera: In the opposite corner is a little sauna. Does that have a pole?
Pennon: Certainly.
Bandera: The flag?
Pennon: Today.
Bandera: Today, and the boat house Tomorrow.
Pennon: Now you've got it.
Bandera: All we got is a couple of days flying.

PAUSE

Bandera: You know I've hoisted a lot of flags myself.
Pennon: As an expert, you must have.
Bandera: So if I start to hoist flags at the hotel, I walk over to the boat house. I hoist Tomorrow, then I walk to the front of the hotel, to the middle pole, and the flag that I hoist is which?
Pennon: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Bandera: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

PAUSE

Pennon: That's the most important thing to do.
Bandera: Hoist the flag on the middle pole.
Pennon: Yes!
Bandera: Now which is on it?
Pennon: Naturally.

PAUSE

Bandera: Look, if I've just hoisted a flag on the middle pole, so some flag must be flying there. Which is?
Pennon: Naturally.
Bandera: Which?
Pennon: Naturally.
Bandera: Naturally?
Pennon: Naturally.
Bandera: So I go to the middle pole and I hoist Naturally.
Pennon: No you don't, you hoist Which.
Bandera: Naturally.
Pennon: That's different.
Bandera: That's what I said.
Pennon: You're not saying it...
Bandera: I hoist Naturally.
Pennon: You hoist Which.
Bandera: Naturally.
Pennon: That's it.
Bandera: That's what I said!
Pennon: You ask me.
Bandera: I hoist which?
Pennon: Naturally.
Bandera: Now you ask me.
Pennon: You hoist Which?
Bandera: Naturally.
Pennon: That's it.
Bandera: Same as you! Same as YOU! I hoist which. Some flag is now flying there, so I go to the right pole. Which is to be hoisted there, or what I do hoist, I Don't Know. I Don't Know if Tomorrow's still flying from the boat house, or what Today is. I have to go hoist Because. Why? I don't know! That's on the left pole and can stay there or go to hell!
Pennon: What?
Bandera: I said "Go to Hell!"
Pennon: Ah, we have guests from Michigan who live there, but they don't seem to have a flag.